Missing Heart
by sindney
Summary: Missing scene sometime after the episode Three Hearts (5.21) [Oneshot]


**Title****: Missing Heart**

**Summary****: **Oneshot -Missing scene after the episode Three Hearts (5.21)

**Rating****: **Rated K

**Disclaimer****: **I wish that I do, but unfortunately I don't own these characters.

**Authors Note****: **I wasn't particularly happy how the show handled the episodes right after Three Hearts. I felt that Kensi and Deeks were too nonchalant about putting their relationship on hold. I wrote this snippet not sure if I wanted it to go anywhere but feeling like it was missing from the show.

**I'd love to see what you guys think. So please leave a comment.**

* * *

Finishing up her report, Kensi gathered the paperwork into the file folder and placed it into the out box, before turning off the small desk lamp. Fetching her jacket and bag off the back of the chair, she stood ready to leave this long day behind. She received a call in the middle of the night from Sam instructing her to meet at the office when the suspect they had been chasing for days, emerged out of the blue. The next eighteen hours were filled with surveillance, gunfights, and interrogations.

Glad tomorrow was Saturday; she rushed towards the door before another emergency prevented her from leaving. Looking at the clock on her phone she turned the corner slamming full force into a hard body. Stumbling she felt a pair of arms reach out and grab her shoulders, averting her from falling backwards. Looking up she met the eyes she had been looking at for the last few years. The eyes of her partner.

"In a rush?" he said smiling at her.

"Yeah. I wanna get the hell out of here before Hetty comes up with another brilliant idea and ruins my day off tomorrow." She said stepping far enough back that his arms could no longer reach her.

"I gocha. I'm out of here too. Wanna wait up and we can grab a drink?" he asked nonchalantly.

His attitude towards her these last few days angered her. She couldn't ignore what happened last week. She couldn't ignore that his words hurt her. However, observing him it seemed as if everything that happened between the two of them was somehow erased, placed in a small box and tucked away on a shelf. To him, they were just Kensi and Deeks, partners and friends who verbally spared for the sheer joy of it. Her heart however didn't downshift that quickly. She couldn't just push away what they had before she went on her mission and that was the most painful thing of all. Their new budding relationship was what gave her strength while being held captive. The memory of his kisses, his touch, helped her survive the torture she endured.

"No I'm tired. I'm just gonna head home and fall into bed." She said looking up at him. In the past, after work drinks were part of their ritual. They spent almost every night grabbing food or a drink to unwind after a difficult day. This past week however she couldn't allow herself that luxury. She couldn't just pretend that seven days ago he didn't break her heart.

Ready to step around him Deeks reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder, preventing her from leaving. "What's going on?" he asked obviously confused by her attitude toward him.

"Nothing." She said stepping away once again breaking contact.

"Come on Kensi. You've been avoiding me all week." He said, looking down to the hand that just fell from her shoulder. A look of surprise appeared on his face when he realized what she had done.

"I haven't been avoiding you. We're together every day Deeks. I couldn't avoid you even if I tried." She said trying to give him a light answer but knowing he could read her better then anyone else.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't know what you mean." She said, feigning any knowledge of what he was talking about. "I'm gonna go. I'm tired." She said stepping around him and heading for the front door.

"Kensi!"

"I'll see you Monday Deeks." She called out stepping through the front door into the dark night. After she pulled the door of her SUV shut she placed her hands on the steering wheel and lowered her head upon them.

She hadn't realized how hard it was going to be seeing him every day. Pretending as if nothing ever happened between the two of them. Her avoidance wasn't because of anger or heartbreak, it was self-preservation. She was keeping clear of any personal interaction that did not involve work. Knowing he was so close, yet so far hurt too much.

When she went to Afghanistan she left her fathers knife with him. Last week he gave it back to her. Just like he gave back her heart. His words made it perfectly clear he didn't want to continue their involvement. Unfortunately the heart he retuned was broken and she was not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. Trying to prevent him from putting any more cracks into it, she decided that keeping their relationship strictly business was the only way to preserve the tattered shreds that still remained.

Lifting her head off the steering wheel she turned on the engine and drove out of the parking lot, not noticing the person standing on the front steps of the building, observing her.

* * *

Deeks launched his phone across the room angrily after she sent his call into voicemail for the third time. Their interaction yesterday left a bad taste in his mouth. Her cold demeanor bothered him more then he thought possible.

He knew he couldn't blame her. After all, it was him that decided to end their 'thing' as she used to call it. What he didn't expect was how painful, her pulling away from him, would actually feel.

He rationalized his decision before he made it. Thinking that having her in his life in any capacity was better then not having her at all. Her capture in Afghanistan scared about ten years off his life. Thinking she was dead for those few hours nearly killed him. When he finally saw her rescued he decided he would never lose her again. Now however he felt like he was losing her all over again.

Leaning back on his sofa he thought back to the moment in his life he realized he loved Kensi Blye.

_The dry dirt was lifting up around him as he stood still in the desert, observing the couple that stood fifty feet away from him. The man raised his hands and touched Kensi's face tenderly. His heart contracted when he saw her look up at him. Deeks knew that Kensi and Jack needed this time to put their past to rest but it didn't stop him from feeling as if he wanted to punch the guy out. Kensi was his and he didn't want any other man touching her, ever._

_Stepping closer he saw them disentangle as Jack walked toward him. Exchanging a few words, Deeks looked over Jack's shoulder where a broken Kensi stood. Walking towards her his emotions on the verge of breaking, he swallowed back the lump in his throat before he spoke about the agents that were wounded. _

"_I'm really glad you're alive." He said finally unable to hold it together any longer._

_She gave him the saddest look he ever saw, before she stepped closer, letting him wrap his arms around her. His heart sored at the moment he felt her breath in the crook of his neck. It was at that moment he realized that he never wanted to let her go. _

_Unfortunately Callen and Sam interrupted their moment, informing them of the food in the mess and the time of their departure. As they left he watched Kensi stand in front of him wringing her hands together, on the verge of tears. _

_Unable to meet his eyes she looked over his shoulder toward Jack. "It was really bad." She said softly, her voice finally breaking as she let her tears fall._

"_No, its okay. Come here, come here." He said, pulling her closer. Placing his hand on the back of her head he drew her into his embrace. "Its okay, I got you." _

_Her body shook as sobs overtook her. He could feel the pain radiating off of her. Her tense muscles slowly relaxing as he wrapped himself around her trying to show he was there for her. "We're going home," he said, trying to convey to her that she was finally safe._

_Holding her in his arms until her gut wrenching sobs finally subsided Deeks felt his heart break for her. He knew from personal experience what it was like to get tortured. He understood the physical and emotional pain she was going through. Pulling back slightly, he looked down at her tear stained face wanting to show her the depth of his feelings. Deciding against kissing her in public, he moved his palms to her cheeks and wiped away the last of her tears. "Lets get some food and then we're done here, forever."_

"_Okay," she said softly letting him lead her towards the mess hall._

_After they ate a little, Sam rushed them to the makeshift airport they would be departing from. Entering the military transport plane Deeks noticed Kensi's confusion on where to sit. The seats ran along the sides of the plane facing each other. Taking her hand into his he led her to the furthest two seats in the back of the plane, allowing her some privacy. _

"_Thank you." She whispered softly when he helped her buckle herself into the bucket seat._

"_Anytime." He said looking over at her. She looked so tried; her face was bruised and her lip split. He wanted to reach over and soothe away her pain but instead he settled on reaching for her hand and pulling it between his two larger ones._

_They were quiet during the flight. Occasionally looking at each other as if checking that the other person was still there. Deeks realized that no matter what the future held for the two of them, Kensi Blye was going to be the only woman he would ever love._

Jumping up from his sofa he decided he needed to confront what was going on between them. Rushing into his room he changed quickly and grabbed his keys, before he hurried out the door.

* * *

Kensi sighed with frustration when she pulled the door open, revealing a nervous Deeks standing on the other side. She had been avoiding his phone calls all day. She knew that her demeanor this last week probably disturbed him but she just wasn't ready to have it out with him just yet. "What are you doing here?" She asked finally.

"I came to talk." He said walking inside without an invitation.

"Talk about what?" she asked closing the door behind him.

Turning around to face her he gave her a look of annoyance before speaking. "Give me a break Kensi. You and I both know that things have been weird between the two of us, the last few days."

"Yeah."

"Why?" He asked as if completely unaware of the tension between the two of them.

Rolling her eyes she moved over to her sofa and plopped down. "Because, Deeks."

"That's not an answer." He said irritably. "Are you angry? Do you hate me? What is it?"

Sighing she ran her hands over her face submitting to the fact that she was going to have to explain herself to him. "I'm not angry and I don't hate you."

"Then why are you acting the way you are with me?" he asked, taking a seat next to her on the sofa.

Gathering her thoughts for a few moments she finally shifted her body to face him. "I can't just go back and pretend that nothing happened Deeks. I can't go back to joking around acting like we're two old friends with no history." She said meeting his eyes.

"I never said you should."

"You didn't have to Deeks. You're attitude has been proof enough." She said raising her voice.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you decided that we shouldn't pursue a relationship and I can understand your fears. Our personal life can get in the way of our professional one, which can bring on dire consequenses." She said raising her hand, preventing him from speaking. "But just because you're able to shut off your feelings overnight and act like nothing's changed, doesn't mean that I can." She said on the verge of tears. Pulling her eyes away from him, she looked down into her lap, trying to hide from him how much this was affecting her.

"Kensi," he said, placing two fingers under he chin and lifting it so she could face him again. "I didn't shut off my feelings."

"You could have fooled me." She said sadly. His blasé attitude made her feel as if her feelings for him ran much deeper then his did for her. No matter how hard she tried she could not just be as passive about what they shared as he seemed to be. Maybe it was her time in Afghanistan that made her so much more emotional when it came to Deeks or maybe it was the realization that she was completely love with him.

"Look I just need some distance and I'm not saying this as some manipulative ploy to get you to change your mind. I just need to sort out my feelings and I can't do that with you right by my side." She said finally, looking into his eyes. Yes it upset her that he didn't want to pursue a relationship considering he was the one that was pushing for it before Afghanistan. In order for her to do her job she needed time away from him and she couldn't do that if they went back to being buddies.

"I don't want that Kensi."

"I know you don't but you don't have a choice. I need to figure things out for myself. I need to figure out how to work with you and not feel my heart breaking every day." She said admitting to him how deeply he had hurt her.

"Kensi…"

"Deeks please, try to understand." Looking up at him with sad eyes. "Please."

"Okay, I'll give you your space." He said standing up and walking towards the door. "But I just want you to know one thing Kensi. When I thought I lost you in Afghanistan, I didn't think I was going to survive. I figured out then that I was in love with you."

"You're in love with me yet you don't want to be with me." She questioned, not sure if she believed him or not.

"Yeah I am."

"Well then Deeks, it looks to me like you're the one that needs to sort out your feelings. Because it's hard to believe, that after dancing around this for over a year, and finally figuring it out, you're just ready to throw it away." She said irritated by his admission. "Go home Deeks." She said finally her emotions getting the best of her.

"Kensi…"

"Its fine. Just go. I'll see you at work on Monday." She said standing up from the sofa and making her way towards the back of her apartment. After she heard the door open and close behind her she finally let her tears fall.

Fin


End file.
